Maybe Boundaries Are, Ultimately, an Act of Love
Updated: 3 hours ago
Reflections on Living Together, Inspired by Life of Pi
On my flight home from Bali, I watched Life of Pi.
Ever since the communication retreat I attended in Bali, the word boundaries and experiences around them have been coming up in my life almost every day. Apparently, this is something quite important to me right now.
One particular scene in the movie connected so strongly with what I had experienced and learned about boundaries during the retreat that I wanted to write about it. (A little spoiler alert!)
The main character, a young boy named Pi, finds himself stranded on a small lifeboat with a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker after their ship sinks.
At one point, the tiger jumps into the ocean and can’t get back onto the boat. Pi could have simply left him there to drown. But he doesn’t. He saves the tiger and brings him back onto the boat.
Of course, Richard Parker doesn’t seem to appreciate this gesture at all. He keeps trying to attack Pi whenever he gets the chance.
To stay safe, Pi has been living on a small raft tied to the lifeboat. But he still needs to return to the boat for food and water.
Eventually, Pi decides that he can’t keep running away. He needs to face the tiger.
What he says at that moment really stayed with me:
“If we are going to live together, we have to learn to communicate. Maybe Richard Parker cannot be tamed, but with God’s will, he can be trained.”
What I find interesting here is that Pi uses the word train, rather than tame. He may not be able to change the tiger into something he wants him to be. But perhaps they can learn a way of relating to each other that allows them both to survive.
Instead of killing the tiger or continuing to run away, Pi chooses to establish communication and boundaries so they can coexist.
And what drove Pi to do this, I imagine, was his incredibly strong desire to live.
To protect his own life, he faces the tiger and begins to establish how close the tiger can come, what is acceptable, and what is not.
Of course, he can’t simply ask a tiger to respect his boundaries! Still, he finds ways to communicate his intentions and make those boundaries clear in a way the tiger can understand.
As I watched this scene, memories of my own experiences at the retreat came flooding back. (More on that in Part 2!)
Maybe boundaries are, ultimately, an act of love.
When we think of boundaries, we might imagine pushing someone away or keeping them at a distance.
But what if boundaries are actually necessary for us to care for ourselves while also caring for the other?
Rather than trying to eliminate someone or change them into who we want them to be, we look for a way to continue living together.
Whether we like it or not, our lives are interconnected. We influence and depend on one another.
And within that reality, we can recognize what truly matters to us and take action to protect it. We can clearly communicate what we want from others, and what we don’t want.
Perhaps setting boundaries is also about that.
By the way, I somehow missed this movie when it first came out, even though it was quite a sensation at the time.
It’s full of humor, wisdom, and breathtakingly beautiful imagery. I highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it yet!
And if you have, perhaps watching it again might offer you a different perspective. I imagine I saw what I saw because of where I am in my life right now.
Life of Pi, directed by Ang Lee (2012)
🌱
A question for you
What comes to mind when you think of setting boundaries, not to push someone away, but because you want to stay connected?
I’d love to hear what comes up for you. Feel free to message me!